im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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