Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
