fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
