Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
