U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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