OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he was CRYING into my vagina
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
