Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
