i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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