well I can't set my house on fire every night
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
