Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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