Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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