i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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