The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
