I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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