Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
