Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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