You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
