I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is my gift to your gina
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
