:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
