I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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