then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
