One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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