This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
