We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Mom said you looked used
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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