Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
