the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
