idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do vagina's smell?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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