I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
