I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
