she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
