How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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