He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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