never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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