How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize