ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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