Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How drunk are you?
Completed.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
