If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
