I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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