A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
