Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
