The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
