By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
