I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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