he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
