my phone needs a breathalizer
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
