would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Success! We fucked roommates!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
