Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
