her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
