you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
