you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
