i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
