Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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