is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
