can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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