you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
