OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
