so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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