If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
