We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
