hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
