Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My feet surprised me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
