The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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