i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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