Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
