I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You have to summon your inner elephant
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
