just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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