My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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