she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
