well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
