Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
