Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
