I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
