Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
