i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize