Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
