you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
