I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize