Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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