dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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