maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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