I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
