the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize