A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
