I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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