Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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