So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
