fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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