Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
