Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
