Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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