Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
