I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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